Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to.”. Saying no was off limits, and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. If you have also decided that it’s worth it to you, and want to learn to say no, try these simple yet effective tips for doing so with confidence. The word “yes… Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people. Therefore, no shouldn’t be an off limits word, but rather something that we decide on ourselves, based on our own discretion. Saying no to these people can be particularly difficult because we like them and want to support them. – When you say yes to a job you hate, you say no to your dreams. Lying will most likely lead to guilt—and remember, this is what you are trying to avoid feeling. At first, you just eliminate the obvious distractions and explore the rest. "I love the feeling and the butterflies I get when I see you smiling. Manage your time. It's a good problem to have, but it can be a tough skill to master. There is an important balance to strike here. No one else in this world can offer what you can. They say “yes” without thinking things through. When you approach someone with a proposal or a question, you want to put your best foot forward. Think before you speak. But if the benefits of saying no are so obvious, then why do we say yes so often? I was torn and wanted to do it all or say no to it all. Why? And so I realized exactly why I found it so difficult to say no. It is saying NO that lets you … Lysa is amazing. For senior managers and executives, being able to effectively manage your resources and say no when necessary is a crucial skill. This statement reminds me of the old computer programming saying, “Remember that there is no code faster than no code.” 1. So, one of the best things you can do for your business is to get comfortable saying no. By saying “Мммда,” you express your uncertainty. 10 likes. Learning to say no has been one of the best things I have done for myself. After feeling trapped for some time by my excessive urge to be agreeable, it got me thinking. You’ve stumbled upon a place that gathers over 100 funny, witty, creative, and surprising ways to say “yes.” Hat tip to Kevlin Henney. Later, I found myself feeling absolutely terrible about having said yes and I wished that I had just had the guts to say no from the beginning. If there’s a reward, I’m in! I have a right to say no and shouldn’t be afraid of letting other people down at the cost of my own happiness. But even after we have accounted for these social considerations, many of us still seem to do a poor job of managing the tradeoff between yes and no. And if that is the case, elimination is a more useful skill than optimization. Relative Success is Hard Work. Looking back, I realize that it really isn’t worth it to say yes when you don’t want to. Even if you didn’t fully get the person to say yes, you should attempt to end your meeting or conversation proactively, with a look to the future. Say'sches Theorem {n}econ.hist. You are unique, valuable, and important. When someone asks you “Do you have …?”, “Can you … “, “Will you …?”, how do you respond to these questions? Often, you have to consider saying no to someone you will interact with again in the future—your co-worker, your spouse, your family and friends. Which of these other projects should I deprioritize to pay attention to this new project?” Hat tip to my friend, Shane Parrish, at Farnam Street who shared this insight from McKeown in the article, “Eight Ways to Say No With Grace and Style.”, Pedro Sorrentino, [Stoic Capital #21] On productivity, time and wealth, Jobs had another great quote about saying no: “I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Yes is a responsibility. We have helped over 30,000 people so far. You can get more actionable ideas in my popular email newsletter. Saying no is an important skill to develop at any stage of your career because it retains the most important asset in life: your time. I was torn and wanted to do it all or say no to it all. Help? Saysches Theorem {n} [alt]econ.hist. Absolute Success is Luck. Practice saying no. Many people find it difficult to say no. #TheBestYes . Constantly saying yes to everything and everyone drains us of time and energy. It’s easy. No is a decision. "You are the one I wanted to find, to tell that I need you all my life, from this day on till the rest of my life." If your opinion of yourself is actually quite low, remember that: The third step to learning to say no is deciding if saying yes is really worth it. Whether you want to lose weight, gain weight or stay the same, say ‘yes’ to loving your body and commit to giving it the best you can, because you deserve it. Saying no to your superiors at work can be particularly difficult. While you might not be ready to dedicate an entire year to saying yes or to adopting a new nickname, saying yes is one of the best decisions you can make for your career. This period of exploration can be particularly important at the beginning of a project, job, or career. In reality, they are not just opposite in meaning, but of entirely different magnitudes in commitment. While you may feel temporarily guilty over saying "No," it's better to deal with momentary guilt than to risk tanking a valuable relationship. Read More. It’s fine now. 9. It is the thought that they look down on me. - YouTube Well, if you’re gonna come off as a grumpy jerk, you might as well have some fun with it. Plus, you can say this when you are shocked and you have nothing to … Writer(s): Robert John Arthur Halford, Glenn Raymond Tipton, Kenneth Downing . If you're a people pleaser by nature, you may say "Yes" more frequently than is healthy. E.g. So, when you can’t decide what to say, but the answer is rather “Yes” than “No”, use this word. So why do we continue to say yes? Saying no keeps you toward the easier end of this spectrum.” 10. ”4 Once you have committed to something, you have already decided how that future block of time will be spent. I like how the economist Tim Harford put it, “Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time.”4 Once you have committed to something, you have already decided how that future block of time will be spent. If you said no to your mom, dad, teacher, uncle, grandparents, and so on, you were most certainly considered to be being rude, and you would have probably been told off for it. I love you, so yeah. There are many meetings held that don't need to be held. It's worth asking if things are necessary. What I received from this book was way more than just help with decision making. Be careful what (and who) you say yes to. The best is yet to be and it begins from the moment you say yes!" But when we say yes for the wrong reasons, we waste our time, we drain our energy and our resources, and we can give away valuable information. Best Friends Only Say YES to Each Other for a DAY! “Live your life for you not for anyone else. You still need to say no to distractions, but you also need to learn to say no to opportunities that were previously good uses of time, so you can make space for great uses of time. But sadly, we hold onto our childhood beliefs and we continue to associate no with being dislikeable, bad mannered, unkind, or selfish. For example, there is no meeting that goes faster than not having a meeting at all. It makes a difference. People who say yes to everything in an attempt to be liked are quickly recognized as pushovers. I would love to smile for the rest of my life too. In other words, saying no saves you time in the future. Oh, I’m available. How to Say ‘Yes’ (by Not Saying ‘Yes’) From “yeah” to “yaaaaas” to “yiss,” we’re rejecting the clinical "yes" and finding more nuanced ways to give our approval—and to hedg Have you ever said yes to something, but immediately wished you could take it back? I like how the economist Tim Harford put it, “Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time.” 4 Once you have committed to something, you have already decided how that future block of … #TheBestYes . "Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best." She has a name for this feeling: The hum. The words “yes” and “no” get used in comparison to each other so often that it feels like they carry equal weight in conversation. If you, for example, agree to help every time a friend needs a favor, you may begin to resent that friend. This is the key to staying on track with your goals, as well as looking after your health. Here’s the short version: just don’t be a jerk. So, I say it's a yes?" As the investor Pedro Sorrentino put it, “If you don’t guard your time, people will steal it from you.” 5, You need to say no to whatever isn't leading you toward your goals. 15 Simple Steps Towards Happiness and Success. Why is it so difficult to say the word “no”? 35 Black and Indigenous Owned Companies to Shop from this Holiday Read More. I asked myself why it was so important for me to please everyone, to the point that I would feel resentful and stressed because of it. Chantalle Gerber is a writer and co-founder of Want2discover. I don’t feel trapped, resentful, or guilty anymore. Let me check my schedule first. Stop that. I don’t have a choice, do I? James Clear writes about habits, decision making, and continuous improvement. Featured Posts . The opportunity cost of your time increases as you become more successful. Saying no is sometimes seen as a luxury that only those in power can afford. It’s just a word, right? Dreading the idea of having to work that day, I called my boss back with the best excuse I could think of. You could say, “Let me check my calendar. We need to apply thought and prayer to our decisions and then trust God for the outcome. What is true about health is also true about productivity: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. 8. I have a right to say no and shouldn’t be afraid of letting other people down at the cost of my own happiness. If it doesn't excite you, then say no. Thanks for reading. Over 1,000,000 people subscribe. — James Clear (@JamesClear) January 24, 2018. Imagine a scenario and then practice saying no either by yourself or with a friend. Once you have knocked out the distractions, it can make sense to say yes to any opportunity that could potentially move you in the right direction. I am reminded of the famous Peter Drucker quote, “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”, Taligent's Guide to Designing Programs. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker, Sometimes I even find myself thinking “no, no, no, no” and then I blurt out “yes.”. If you depend on other people’s approval, what you are basically saying is “Their opinion of me is more important than my opinion about myself.”. Because I’m here! And it is true: turning down opportunities is easier when you can fall back on the safety net provided by power, money, and authority. Not doing something will always be faster than doing it. It will shape your day, your career, your family, your life. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Yes is a responsibility. When you say no to someone you are letting them know that you have boundaries. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Say no more! You get my vote. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. If they never say no, how can you trust their yes? Recently, at the recommendation of my friend, Mary DeMuth , I started reading The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes by Harvard professor William Ury. Don’t say “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. I’m almost certain that you’re in a great place in your life. Perhaps one issue is how we think about the meaning of yes and no. When you say no, you are only saying no to one option. But … Lysa is amazing. Even worse, people will occasionally fight to do things that waste time. 0 likes. We’re getting some much anticipated snow after over a month of nada, so we’ll be doing a bit of sledding and baking. Visit her website for more great articles on self-improvement and how to live a fulfilling and happy life. Don't worry what they say Just bring you're love away 'Cause your friends can't do What I can for you I don't wanna hear you say. And in many situations the best and healthiest decision is the one that leads to a refusal. Even if I hate you, I would say yes to this one. Attempting to do so puts at risk your own agenda and the things that matter most. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. Saying NO always has ramifications for a relationship so mull over why you've decided to say NO and whether it's appropriate. If someone asks you to do something and your first reaction is “Hell Yeah!”, then do it. Say no to unnecessary commitments, and you have the time you need to recover and rejuvenate. 10k Work / How to stop saying yes when you want to say no. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”. We find ourselves over-committed to things that don't meaningfully improve or support those around us, and certainly don't improve our own lives. Did you ever wonder why it was so easy to say no when you were a little kid and why it has become so difficult now? Without you, I would be nothing.” ― T.J. Klune tags: everything, love, yes. In an ideal world, we want to say yes to everyone, sure. And research shows this not only creates a cycle of awful feelings, it actually does real damage to your relationships. We agree to many requests not because we want to do them, but because we don't want to be seen as rude, arrogant, or unhelpful. tags: saying-no. Many of them are not, and a simple “no” will be more productive than whatever work the most efficient person can muster. Having people think negatively of me is the ultimate rejection. As one reader told me, “If you broaden the definition as to how you apply no, it actually is the only productivity hack (as you ultimately say no to any distraction in order to be productive).”, Nobody embodied this idea better than Steve Jobs, who said, “People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. There is actually more power in knowing when and how to say NO. In other words, you have to upgrade your “no's” over time. I told her that I had completely forgotten that it was my dad’s birthday that Saturday and that we had a family get-together (which was certainly not the case). Upgrading your no doesn't mean you'll never say yes. Baby tell me Tell me, yes Don't tell me, no . You don't have to agree to something just because it exists. 3) Say ‘Yes’ to Saying ‘No’ There is a lot of code written that could be deleted. Enter your email now and join us. I realize this is not just a challenge that I face, but one that many people go through every day.